Life Lessons

Every once in awhile God hits me over the head with something.

I mean this in a good way.

Sometimes I think when God is trying to teach me something, He brings it to my attention in numerous ways over a short period of time.  And over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about trust.  When life is going along smoothly, it's easy to trust that God is good.  But when I'm handed a challenge or experience a disappointment, it's suddenly a lot harder to trust that God has a good plan for me.  I mean, I know it to be true  and desire it with all my heart, and yet the doubts and fears are still there.  There were some days in the last few weeks where I had to surrender and re-surrender my worries for the future.  It's a struggle.  I was feeling discouraged and wondered what exactly God has planned for my life.  It's funny in some ways, because in the past few months I've had lots of opportunities to encourage a few dear friends as I walked alongside of them during dark times.  And yet when the pain, disappointment and fear become personal, it almost felt like there was a disconnect between what I knew in my head to be true and the emotions of my heart.  I've struggled to loosen my grip of control on my life and eventually even have to admit that I am not in control at all.

It's hard to learn those kind of lessons.  It can be painful to be stretched.  Sometimes these lessons need to be learned over and over.

But.

This past week I caught up with a friend over the phone.  She asked how I was doing, and I could honestly say that I was doing well.  I was feeling at peace.  And it felt good to say that and mean it.  I'm feeling excited about the ways God is molding and shaping me in this time of waiting.  Maybe God is using all of this wrestling to produce some inner strength. 

Then the next day I went to my Christian mom's group, and what did the lesson that day happen to be about?  You guessed it: Trust.  Our lesson was called "The Joy of Trust," and I honestly felt like it had been planned just for me.

And you know what?

It felt so good to have all of the things I'd been wrestling with affirmed.  It was encouraging to have my own thoughts and ideas on trusting God be validated.  And what a blessing to share some of my own mullings on this topic with my sisters in Christ in order that they may be encouraged as well.

I am grateful.   

God doesn't promise that life will be easy.  Or safe.  In fact in John 16:33, Jesus himself gives us these words:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Yes, we will have trouble.  Pain and heartache are unfortunately a part of this life.  But what God does promise us is that He is bigger than it all.  He has overcome it.  There is hope for the future.  As my mom's group teacher put it, "All goodness is because of Christ."

And He is worthy of our trust.

Perhaps, like me, you feel guilty when worries and fears start to crop up.  I know that I can be tempted to think "If only I were stronger in my faith.  If only I were better at trusting."  Well, here's what I've come to realize:

Sometimes the most trusting thing you can do in that moment is to ask God to help you trust Him more.

I know...in some ways it seems counter-intuitive, right?  After all, we're the ones who are supposed to trust.  We have to keep up our end of the bargain.

But maybe I'm not good enough to muster up the trust on my own.  Maybe I need the work of the Holy Spirit in my life to grow the trust in my heart.  Maybe my job is just to be mold-able, flexible, tender toward God and allow Him to grow me and teach me.

I don't mean this in a passive way.  It is still hard work.  But if I get this "pull myself up by my own bootstraps" mentality, I'm making it all about me.  Again.

I know I won't do this perfectly.  I will surely fail.

It reminds me of the story in the New Testament where a man comes to ask Jesus for a miracle on behalf of his son.  Essentially he says, "Jesus, if you can, please give us a miracle."  And Jesus questions him: "If I can?" to which the man responds, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

Let me modify those words slightly: "Lord, I trust.  Help my untrust."  I think there are probably many people today who can resonate with those words.  I know I can.

May the Lord give us all the grace we need to be molded and shaped by Him.