I had a phone consultation with my fert doc last week Thursday, and it went really well. God continues to open doors for us on this journey. Everything our doctor said affirmed our decision to move forward with IVF next month. I am once again so grateful to have a doctor that I trust; he never pressures, gives wise counsel, and is a godly man and incredibly skilled fertility specialist. We are blessed.
We are going to use the same protocol as last time - an antagonist cycle using Ga.ni.relix (for those of you that it means anything to!), but this time we are really going to push my ovaries further in order to get more mature eggs. Where our doc would usually trigger when a few eggs grow to around 15-17 mm, he wants to push me more to the 22-24 mm range. Multiply thar times the many eggs they hope to grow on each side, and boy am I going to be uncomfortable! But the good news is that I am going to be put under this time around for the retrieval. Last time was pretty traumatic for me, and so I am really relieved to not have to think about going through that again!
He is also going to be adding a growth hormone this time around, which recently has shown to improve egg maturity and embryo quality with no negative side effects. Yay...another drug! (Sarcasm) But seriously, if it improves our chances then I'm all for it.
Meds have been ordered and paid for (OUCH) and will arrive next week. Things are starting to happen! I don't know whether to be anxious or excited or both. The IVF process is incredibly intense emotionally, physically, financially, and yes even spiritually. Right now I think I am feeling a little numb, but I suspect as the time gets closer, all of the emotions will kick in!
IVF is such a crazy process. Anytime someone is blessed with a pregnancy, I know that it is God who is creating that life! And yet, some of us need a little help with producing the right environment for that to happen. I am thankful that God has given us the technology to receive the help we need, as well as doctors with the skills, passion, knowledge and wisdom to help us. It is my prayer that God might use this process to bless us with another baby (or two! Just dreaming...!).
Next week I'll give a more detailed post on the IVF process for those who are interested. Until then, have a good weekend!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Update
Well, I did it.
On Monday I took the plunge and set up a consultation with my fertility specialist. Our summer of waiting is over, and the Mr. and I have decided on our next steps. It looks like we're going to give good ol' IVF another try.
Are we crazy? Maybe. (Probably!) The process of IVF is incredibly draining - physically, emotionally, financially. We've been burned by this process more than I would like to admit. And yet, we have been profoundly BLESSED through this process as well, and I suppose that's what is bringing us back to it again: the hope the God might choose to use this process to bless us once again.
I feel incredibly grateful that the Mr. and I are on the same page with all of this. We sort of came to our own conclusions independently of each other, and so when we talked about our next steps, it was easy. That's sort of how it's been for us all along this journey, and for that I am so thankful, because I know how much stress and strain infertility can put on a couple. Yes, there are times when the stress has brought the ugly out of us, but overall I do thank God that this journey - with all of its ups and downs - has served to make us stronger as a couple, rather than tearing us apart.
It's funny. After our summer of waiting and then making our decision on where we felt God was leading us, you'd think I'd be chomping at the bit to get this process going. But instead, I found myself dragging my feet a little these past few weeks to make the call. I was a little surprised at myself, but here's the thing: right now I have hope. And as exciting as it is to think about the possibility of getting pregnant and having another baby, part of me is scared because I know how quickly this entire process can come to a screeching halt. I'm scared that a door might get slammed closed and that we might have to come to terms with the fact that we might never have another biological child.
Let me clarify. If we get to that point, I know that we'll be incredibly disappointed, but I also trust that if God leads us to it, He'll lead us through it. I believe that He can use that disappointment to grow us, mold us, shape us. But that doesn't mean that it won't be a painful process.
I trust...but it's still scary.
This summer was so good. The waiting was good. When friends asked me how I was doing, I could honestly say that I had complete peace with our decision to take time off from everything. All of the benefits of waiting far surpassed the discomfort and pressure of time passing us by - that all women who deal with IF know all too well.
On one hand I wish that life circumstances were different, and we didn't have to consider facing another round of IVF, and yet on the other, I am incredibly grateful that we even have the option of doing IVF at all.
Most of all, I pray that God will be glorified in and through this process, whatever the outcome. May He give me eyes to see His goodness and to live joyfully in the midst of stress or hardship or struggle. As much as I hope for the desires of my heart, may I trust in God's good plan for my life, no matter how that plays out in the months and years ahead.
On Monday I took the plunge and set up a consultation with my fertility specialist. Our summer of waiting is over, and the Mr. and I have decided on our next steps. It looks like we're going to give good ol' IVF another try.
Are we crazy? Maybe. (Probably!) The process of IVF is incredibly draining - physically, emotionally, financially. We've been burned by this process more than I would like to admit. And yet, we have been profoundly BLESSED through this process as well, and I suppose that's what is bringing us back to it again: the hope the God might choose to use this process to bless us once again.
I feel incredibly grateful that the Mr. and I are on the same page with all of this. We sort of came to our own conclusions independently of each other, and so when we talked about our next steps, it was easy. That's sort of how it's been for us all along this journey, and for that I am so thankful, because I know how much stress and strain infertility can put on a couple. Yes, there are times when the stress has brought the ugly out of us, but overall I do thank God that this journey - with all of its ups and downs - has served to make us stronger as a couple, rather than tearing us apart.
It's funny. After our summer of waiting and then making our decision on where we felt God was leading us, you'd think I'd be chomping at the bit to get this process going. But instead, I found myself dragging my feet a little these past few weeks to make the call. I was a little surprised at myself, but here's the thing: right now I have hope. And as exciting as it is to think about the possibility of getting pregnant and having another baby, part of me is scared because I know how quickly this entire process can come to a screeching halt. I'm scared that a door might get slammed closed and that we might have to come to terms with the fact that we might never have another biological child.
Let me clarify. If we get to that point, I know that we'll be incredibly disappointed, but I also trust that if God leads us to it, He'll lead us through it. I believe that He can use that disappointment to grow us, mold us, shape us. But that doesn't mean that it won't be a painful process.
I trust...but it's still scary.
This summer was so good. The waiting was good. When friends asked me how I was doing, I could honestly say that I had complete peace with our decision to take time off from everything. All of the benefits of waiting far surpassed the discomfort and pressure of time passing us by - that all women who deal with IF know all too well.
On one hand I wish that life circumstances were different, and we didn't have to consider facing another round of IVF, and yet on the other, I am incredibly grateful that we even have the option of doing IVF at all.
Most of all, I pray that God will be glorified in and through this process, whatever the outcome. May He give me eyes to see His goodness and to live joyfully in the midst of stress or hardship or struggle. As much as I hope for the desires of my heart, may I trust in God's good plan for my life, no matter how that plays out in the months and years ahead.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Grateful
It's Back to School Day around here. This is my third September of not returning to school myself as the teacher, and there's still always a little bit of nostalgia around this time of year. After all, for 17 years, I went back to school as a student, and for 9 years beyond that, I went back as a teacher. So this day holds special meaning for me. I've always loved school...as a teacher I looked forward to the year ahead, getting to know my students, and being a part of the school community. It was a blessed season of my life.
I ran into the mom of a former student at the grocery store this morning. She had just come from dropping her kids off, and she asked me the question I hear so often, "So...do you miss teaching?"
I never quite know how to answer that question. On one hand - yes. I miss the people, especially. I miss being a part of the lives of my colleagues and students on a daily basis. But the stronger feeling is no, I don't miss it. Maybe it's because I know that teaching will be there again for me someday. But mostly I think it's because for years I dreamed of having a baby and staying at home. So as much as I love to teach, right now - in this moment - I'm living my dream.
And I couldn't be more happy or grateful.
The icing on the cake? Right now God is bringing into my life some new opportunities for teaching. Not in the same way as before, but in the form of a small group Bible study at church and the possibility of leadership in my moms' group. I feel blessed for the opportunity to grow and use my gifts outside of my role as wife and mother.
Someday, teaching will a part of my professional life again. But for now, I'm content to relish each day that I get to spend teaching my sweet boy. And just as often, I'm the student - learning and growing as a mother. I thank God for that beautiful gift.
I ran into the mom of a former student at the grocery store this morning. She had just come from dropping her kids off, and she asked me the question I hear so often, "So...do you miss teaching?"
I never quite know how to answer that question. On one hand - yes. I miss the people, especially. I miss being a part of the lives of my colleagues and students on a daily basis. But the stronger feeling is no, I don't miss it. Maybe it's because I know that teaching will be there again for me someday. But mostly I think it's because for years I dreamed of having a baby and staying at home. So as much as I love to teach, right now - in this moment - I'm living my dream.
And I couldn't be more happy or grateful.
The icing on the cake? Right now God is bringing into my life some new opportunities for teaching. Not in the same way as before, but in the form of a small group Bible study at church and the possibility of leadership in my moms' group. I feel blessed for the opportunity to grow and use my gifts outside of my role as wife and mother.
Someday, teaching will a part of my professional life again. But for now, I'm content to relish each day that I get to spend teaching my sweet boy. And just as often, I'm the student - learning and growing as a mother. I thank God for that beautiful gift.
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